Chapter 7, Get off that lazy ass bitch.

Good evening...night, it's been a while (I say a while I mean ages) since I bothered with this blog; therefore time to start paying attention again!

That's when you say 'yippy!'

So what's happened lately? Well my hairs back to red, I've nearly completed my apprenticeship and will do so with flying colours, my creativity is working it's way back into my system and I'm off on a trip for work soon which is going to be scary but amazing.

As it's late I won't bother writing too much, however here is a quick lowdown of what I plan to write about once I get back into the flow of things:

• Sex. WHAT?! I hear you say? You'll see.
• My latest works and creations.
• New games I've been playing.
• Lots, and I mean lots, of book AND film reviews.
• Health tips (yes I am going down that route but since working for an organic company I've learnt a lot of interesting things)
• And hopefully some make up tips and OOTD (outfit of the day) type stuff if I get around to it.

So that's all the stuff I can think of right now, hopefully it sounds interesting and more importantly, hopefully I actually get down to doing it all!

My motivation etc really hit an all time low again and it's slowly starting to pick back up with the good news I've been getting back from my NVQ work, driving lessons and the few bits of art/photography I've been managing to do. Which even though might not be of interest to you, is bloody amazing and I hope it continues to pick up! If it doesn't how on earth do I start up my business in September?

Oh yes there's that as well, I'll be starting my own business near the end of this year so watch out for all of that shit. 

And on that note, I'm off to do some motivational stuff (watching Disney films counts right?). Love, peace and here have a listen of this:

Chapter 6, Spread those wings bitch.

Well I've been a right lazy fucker with this blog, but even so I feel it's time for a more 'emotional' post as it were. 

Recently I have started to realize that I'm not allowing myself to be as free, happy and 'myself' as I should be. Some how I've managed to trap myself in this cage of attempting to be happy and care free, which is want I want, but not to trap myself in to thinking its how I need to be. Instead of letting myself be how I want to be, I'm making myself, which of course is the worst way to do it. 

I have this huge need to fulfill all my dreams, constantly making myself 'to do' lists which contains things like:

• Get back into being creative and further my 'skills' ( I.e photography, drawing, music, writing etc etc.)
• Experience new things
• Read more
• Play more games
• Learn to drive
• Start planning/gathering ideas for my future business
• create a portfolio
• Learn new things
• Believe in myself and what I can do

And masses of other things to 'complete by the end of this week' or 'the end of this year' blah blah blah.

Although all these things I've set myself to do may be easy and some may be hard, it's not that that's bugging me, it's more of the fact I write all these lists but don't actually do any of the things I write down. I attempt to, but never finish. Unless its an amazing book, in which case I stay up way later than I should to finish it. 

That's another thing, time. I constantly wish I had more time to do all the things I want to do, even when I do have the time I feel far too tired and end up lazying around. Maybe it's just because I'm not used to early mornings and being up every day, so in that case I really hope I get used to it soon. Because I need to start motivating myself and become more energized. I just want to start enjoying all the little things again and learn to not waste one single minute thinking 'I could do this right now but nah I can't be fucked', that could mean anything from snuggling up with Mr.JackJack or going out and getting lost with my camera to capture any moments I wish. 

Now I could babble on for ages about all this 'live life how you want and live it to the full' shit, but I'll save the rest of it to bore you again another time. 

In the mean time, I ask you to take a second and ask if you think there is anything you could be doing right now that you're not? Is there anything you want to learn but don't have the confidence or motivation to? Do you see where I'm coming from with all this crap or do I look crazy? Maybe you're the one who's crazy?

Fuck knows, but hey, so long as you are proud of yourself and can say you're happy with at least one aspect of your life then what's so bad really? I've learnt a lot about appreciating the small things in life over the last year and It's helped me feel free to let my real self come out and enjoy life a bit more. 

Now that I'm not making sense any more, I think here is a good place to end this post.

''To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.''
- Oscar Wilde

Chapter 5, new project.

Time for my first arty type post! 

I recently have been spending a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time thinking about my photography and drawing and all that crap, just wondering what on earth am I going to do with these so called talents I have? The art world is so hard to get into and get your work noticed in, that I feel so stuck. So I guess the first step is actually attempting to get together a proper portfolio, starting myself new projects every so often and actually completing them for once. Alright so all of this may not happen but fuckit. Anyways, after playing around at work (instead of working I know right, so rebellious) I came up with an idea which is kind of a form of photography... depends on which way you look at it. But I am hoping I can kick off this project and get it to be recognized as art rather than a pile of wank. 

Here's a little clue about my project, my cover photo for my Facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/shanicemadphotoart?ref=hl

This is only a short post, but it's really just to let everyone know that I do have ideas whirling around and to anyone who cares, my portfolio will eventually be worthy of your time!

(Really I just want people to start noticing my work so I'm trying as much random crap as possible to see if it works)

Hope all you guys are letting yourself have the chance to be who and what you want to be, rather than just carrying on with life thinking 'this is how it's meant to be and how everyone lives it'. Cause even though yeah a lot of people don't live their dreams, it's more than likely because they just didn't get lucky OR just didn't have the strength to keep going. At times I feel like one of those people too, but as long as I keep instantly reacting to my creative instincts, something could happen. The same goes to you fuckers.
It's in no relation to the start of this post, but do what you wanna do and do it to your best.

OK soppy stupid moment over, hope some of you people are looking forward to seeing more of my work and blogging!

Chapter 4, Starbound #2.

So my friend kindly noted that I hadn't told you about the controls and story length of Starbound, therefore I bring you part two of my review (Hiphipfuckinghooray).

Main controls: Use your generic WASD to move around, A+D to move from side to side just like any side scrolling game and W to move forward. S makes you crouch, however it also helps you go down stairs and to lower platforms, whilst pressing Spacebar at the same time (also the jump button) which in my opinion is a bit of a pain in the ass but at least its not over complicated. Well for most anyway.

You have a secondary and primary attack, use your LMB for primary and RMB for secondary. This however only applies if you are not using a two-handed weapon. 

Scrolling your mouse changes what you have in your hands from your main slots, if your scrolly thing (yes I don't know the proper name) doesn't work you can use Z or just click on the slot with the item you want.

I is inventory, C for crafting, J for your journal, shift click on items to move them quickly from your inventory to a furnace for example or vice verse. 

Simple really ey?

Story length: To be honest there isn't one. It's a matter of travelling to different galaxies and planets (which as far as I know there's bloody loads), walking around every planet and killing all the beasties. So I guess you could say there is a certain 'length' to each planet, some can take half an hour and others over an hour. It really depends on how quickly or often you get your ass kicked. Some planets don't have a boss whilst others do.
So as long as you don't suck at games like me and die every 2 minutes, then you should complete planets quite quickly. Just don't forget to look for resources.

So there we go, I promise this reviews finished now.
OR IS IT?

Chapter 3, A Beautiful Disaster.

Ok so here is my first book review, I first wrote this on Goodreads (www.goodreads.com) so of course I've done the lazy thing of copying and pasting it from my profile. But there is nothing else I could possibly write to describe the greatness of this book, so here it is:

Haven't read this book? WHY THE HELL NOT?

I don't even enjoy novels completely revolving around love, but this one I could not put down. It's such an odd and wonderful story, describing a more than intense bond between two pretty messed up people. 

Well messed up isn't the right word, maybe completely crazy is better. 

Never before have I got so involved with a characters feelings, every time I read a few pages of Beautiful Disaster, I completely forgot who I was and ended up feeling angry and annoyed for no reason, simply because the of the characters situation, I had no idea I could be effected so badly by a book. 

Effected badly in a good way obviously.

But jeeeeesus this story is intense. 

And yet some how Jamie didn't need were wolfs or vampires or any other mystical beings, to create tension and fear. She has some how managed to just use emotions to engage the reader, now that to me is a great writer.

Ok so this review makes no sense, but how can you make sense of a book that describes a relationship that makes no sense at all?