Chapter 6, Spread those wings bitch.

Well I've been a right lazy fucker with this blog, but even so I feel it's time for a more 'emotional' post as it were. 

Recently I have started to realize that I'm not allowing myself to be as free, happy and 'myself' as I should be. Some how I've managed to trap myself in this cage of attempting to be happy and care free, which is want I want, but not to trap myself in to thinking its how I need to be. Instead of letting myself be how I want to be, I'm making myself, which of course is the worst way to do it. 

I have this huge need to fulfill all my dreams, constantly making myself 'to do' lists which contains things like:

• Get back into being creative and further my 'skills' ( I.e photography, drawing, music, writing etc etc.)
• Experience new things
• Read more
• Play more games
• Learn to drive
• Start planning/gathering ideas for my future business
• create a portfolio
• Learn new things
• Believe in myself and what I can do

And masses of other things to 'complete by the end of this week' or 'the end of this year' blah blah blah.

Although all these things I've set myself to do may be easy and some may be hard, it's not that that's bugging me, it's more of the fact I write all these lists but don't actually do any of the things I write down. I attempt to, but never finish. Unless its an amazing book, in which case I stay up way later than I should to finish it. 

That's another thing, time. I constantly wish I had more time to do all the things I want to do, even when I do have the time I feel far too tired and end up lazying around. Maybe it's just because I'm not used to early mornings and being up every day, so in that case I really hope I get used to it soon. Because I need to start motivating myself and become more energized. I just want to start enjoying all the little things again and learn to not waste one single minute thinking 'I could do this right now but nah I can't be fucked', that could mean anything from snuggling up with Mr.JackJack or going out and getting lost with my camera to capture any moments I wish. 

Now I could babble on for ages about all this 'live life how you want and live it to the full' shit, but I'll save the rest of it to bore you again another time. 

In the mean time, I ask you to take a second and ask if you think there is anything you could be doing right now that you're not? Is there anything you want to learn but don't have the confidence or motivation to? Do you see where I'm coming from with all this crap or do I look crazy? Maybe you're the one who's crazy?

Fuck knows, but hey, so long as you are proud of yourself and can say you're happy with at least one aspect of your life then what's so bad really? I've learnt a lot about appreciating the small things in life over the last year and It's helped me feel free to let my real self come out and enjoy life a bit more. 

Now that I'm not making sense any more, I think here is a good place to end this post.

''To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.''
- Oscar Wilde